fuknukl

I often wonder at how things turn can turn on a moment. Often simple things, happen stance, one thing seen or heard, another not. A whole life can turn about face though one sheer coincidence and the decisions that follow. I wonder at how much of a choice there really is in peoples decisions, at the determinism that is mostly unseen. The appearance of choices that really are no such thing. I wonder at how my life was changed drastically through simple decisions to do or follow up one thing, and not to follow another.

Where would I be but for those moments? Could I have done other than I have? I don’t really know, but I know I dream of a different life lead, a life that I might have been happy and proud of. To start again this late in life, though I don’t feel or look old, feels strange, almost surreal. I wish I knew then what I knew now; so many people have voiced that through human history in one form or another. I’m still getting used to this current life, and I’ve made a few false starts, but I’m improving. There is so much left to do. The past is what it is.